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Stop Setting Goals…Now!
by Marguerite Stenquist

I don’t know about you, but I’ve maxed out my goal-setting genes. I’m not going to waste another nanosecond planning to increase savings or reduce spending. I’m opening the drain on turn-coat goals, like losing weight or finding clients in New York, well-intentioned goals that drift off into never never land, leaving me wrinkled and flattened in their wake. I am so off goals!

Goals have had entirely too much good press.
What about that flabby goal to “lose 10 pounds.” Does it mean if you lose nine, you’ve failed? Or you’re not allowed to lose 11? And what happens when you actually lose those 10 pounds? A weight-loss goal is as predictable as the waxing and waning of the moon: for15 days it shrinks and the next 15 days it expands, over and over again. There’s about a 15-day window for staying 10 pounds lighter. Where’s the glory?

How many singles have silently vowed to “find a great date”? Now there’s a goal that’ll challenge your self-esteem. One friend in her sixties receives “winks” from interested Internet partners. The wink may lead to an e-mail, which may lead to a phone call, which may lead to a coffee date, which better be a smashing encounter for both parties, who drag so much baggage into a crowded Starbucks they can barely store it under the tiny tables. Because, if it isn’t smashing…well, at least Internet dating allows more than 10 minutes of chit-chatting to make that next-step decision, as in speed dating. Think carefully before making high-tension goals that pull at your ego like a taut rubber band.

Put one step in front of the other and sliiiiiiide.
I’m subscribing to the “progress not perfection” affirmation from here on out. Perhaps aiming for something “better” gives more wiggle room and greater potential for success. For example, what if a “better” body is one that isn’t necessarily thinner but is, in fact, healthier, passing cholesterol tests like an honor’s student? A better body could even be one that no longer carries around those cumbersome tonsils. And who knows how much those darned tonsils weigh!

Start with passion and watch a pathway unfold.
After I had been a corporate writer for way too many years, I decided to teach writing. I knew nothing about the field or the career path for someone with my background. I just felt passionate about two things: doing more with my writing skill and finding a better way to spend my time in the world of work. So I got a master’s in education, and watched opportunities reveal themselves along the path, as though they had been waiting for me to show up. Awesome!

The writing workshops turned into communication workshops, and finally into a successful business with better money and more flexibility than I’d ever experienced in the corporate world. These were never my goals; they were byproducts of choices and risks that began with passion. When unrealized passions scratch at you, get out of the way. They’re like pods growing in the basement. Be kind to them.

Choose rituals that feel good.
Once you settle on a passion, commit to supportive rituals that feel so good you can’t resist building them into your life, unlike those slippery disciplines that slink away in tough times: “I’ll get up every morning at 4:30 a.m. and jog to the park.” When we were kids, we ran outside after dinner and worked off all the mashed potatoes, not because we wanted to lose weight, but because we wanted to play hide-and-seek. Fun was our passion. “I play catch in the park with my guy instead of showing up for treadmill duty.” Or “I light candles and incense, play soft music, and write one scene in my novel once a week.” Unlike disciplines, rituals are personal and sacred, friendly and inviting. So there’s a greater chance they’ll survive procrastination and abandonment.

Choices empower and energize. They never intimidate; they allow us to turn back without reproach: “It was the right choice (maybe the only choice), and I took it as far as it was meant to go.” No judgment, just an experience to add to your life/work repertoire: material for a story, a learning experience, never wasted.

Below are a few questions to help you make choices that position you on a path where progress outranks perfection:

1. What do I enjoy doing (or want to do) that could be described as a passion?
2. What choices can I make to feel better physically, emotionally, or mentally?
3. What choices will move me forward in my work?
4. What choices will help me feel more peaceful?
5. What choices will move me closer toward my passion?

Realizing that I could stop setting goals was as compelling a revelation as learning about the health benefits of dark chocolate. When you choose a path, shine light on it regularly to stay alert to the possibilities. And remember to reward your progress, the only reliable measure of success.

Marguerite Stenquist is president of Support Systems Group, Inc. She teaches classroom and online workshops on supervisory skills and relationship management to businesses and government agencies in the metro-Denver area. For more information about these programs, check www.onthejoblearning.com.

Copyright 1999-2012, National Association of State Judicial Educators
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